On Tuesday evening, following logistical setbacks involving a toothbrush, my grandfather and I headed down to Oxford for the open day yesterday. I’d booked into Balliol College for the morning where general information was to be given and to have lunch there, but the whole university including departments was open to be explored. A small group of people from Silverdale went down via coach too and I met up with one for a part of the day to look at the course I am interested in, that is Maths and Philosophy. My conclusion from the day was that I am now pretty much set with my Oxford research: I would like to do said course at said college, and thus I can now concentrate on finding a second choice, for of course only a quarter of applicants manage to get in to Oxbridge. At this point I am concerned about how dissapointed I will be if I fail to get in. I have been building this up for years, and have long had it as a goal and something that I am aiming for, the next step on the staircase. Rationally it is not the end of the world and does not make me a failure if I don’t get in, but I’m not sure the version of Sean after a rejection will be able to think quite so clearly. On the plus side, I have no idea about my chances of getting in besides the fact that it is definately worth applying. Hopefully I can console myself with this.

At the beginning of the day, I was put in touch with a third year student in Maths and Philosophy to discuss the course, and my list of questions (in my highly-coveted commonplace book of collected notes) was swiftly answered. I then ended up having lunch with the admissions secretary, the third year, a second year in the subject and another prospective applicant for it from Germany. It seems that the first year of the course is somewhat maths focussed, or it at least appears to be like that, because the philosophy side is composed of maths-like topics such as logic. However, after this year there is considerably more flexibility. There is no applied maths, plenty of pure and the flexibility to do other philosophical topics such as ethics or political philosophy, which is good: I was afraid of finding the course primarily taken up by mathematical philosophy and the like but this is not the case after the first year. This is thus a fantastic option: I love both subjects and really wouldn’t want to give either up, and they do of course complement each other very well. The other choice in applying is then college. For those who aren’t aware, Oxford is a collegiate university meaning that you live and have a tutor in one of thirty colleges, but go to lectures organised by institutes or faculties. I’ve looked through all the colleges in the prospectus and basically there are none that stood out aside from Baliol for being lefty-liberal, so there is no real reason not to go there. It’s also a very good place for my subject choice. In any case, 20% of successful applicants don’t go to their first choice college so it is important not to place too much stock in this. So my Oxford choices and research are pretty much wrapped up nicely.

At this point there are then a number of things that I need to be doing with regard to university application. I need to draft, redraft and get read my personal statement, which is a difficult document because it has to cover all five of the places one applies to and for different courses if this is done. I need to get some more philosophy background reading done over the summer but this is hardly a chore as some of these other things are. And more importantly I need another few places to apply to, one of which is a firm second choice with an open day visit if I haven’t missed it already. My school run lots of nonsense for those applying to Oxbridge so I should be able to get all this done pretty efficiently. Then, of course, comes the hardest part: the interview. Oxbridge interviews are unlike any other. They aim to find something new that the candidate hasn’t seen and attempt to see how they think. Scary stuff, but I’m trying to remain reasonably confident by not considering my chances either way, and just going in and trying my best. And hoping I don’t have a headache which are becoming increasingly frequent of late.

A few other nice things happened worth recording here. Firstly, we met a mother and son on the train who were also going to the open day, and got talking about philosophy. Then the wonders of how well the Internet has been got going and used in recent years came in: I merely handed him an arrogant business card and he has since got in touch on Facebook, and on Wednesday morning he texted me an involved conclusion to one of the thought experiments I posed. Secondly, I got my picture taken outside the Oxford Union, the intellectual debating powerhouse that really is an international centre for it all. I am very much letting that go to my head. Cambridge may be a significantly prettier city, but the Union would be a major bonus to going to Oxford, in addition to a lot of variety of ringing.

This post is very decisive and it seems to suggest a clear direction. This is great: I can apply myself to this and attempt to make it work, not thinking too hard about the outcome and not considering whether I am putting too much focus into one thing. But really this has been what I have been using to force myself through GCSEs and some aspects of A levels, and I remain concerned about what will happen if I fail. Despite the fact I am told by others that I have a very reasonable shot at it. I keep telling myself that this is not what my life is defined by and is all about, and repeat to myself what someone who went said to my grandfather: it’s very easy to forget you’re not in the centre of the thinking world.